He asked to "fluff my boner.."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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