After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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