I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
