Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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