WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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