I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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