It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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