I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
where are you?
Hypothermia
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
