she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
