Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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