and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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