with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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