..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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