I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
