am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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