i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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