WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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