Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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