I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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