No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
