I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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