DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
