My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
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