I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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