I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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