there's paper in my vomit.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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