One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize