Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
