You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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