We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
