You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
