just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
