I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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