Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
