i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
