in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
