all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
