I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
