We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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