Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
