She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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