So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
