If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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