you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
