remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
