Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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