So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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