Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
