can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
