Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
