At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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