cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I deserve this hangover.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
