doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
