You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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