I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
