I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
