God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
