ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
