Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
