i wish peter jackson would direct porn
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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