wrigley field is MILF paradise
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
