Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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