We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
