she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
