My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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