is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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