We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
