OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
