if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
