drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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