so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
