Whod you bang
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
